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"PADRE"



When I was little my father was a great warrior
then he met a whore and scurried for the nearest border
in short he left us tattered, torn, confused and in complete disorder
a great burden to shoulder for a borderline mom and her tired little soldier
warn and scorned I developed no remorse
I became hoarse from the force of the screams and tortuous dreams
It seemed as if the universe had deemed it necessary for me to be left with this burden to carry
Thank you very much my friend
supposed to be my guardian
but gave yourself a pardon and departed
not a word was uttered
not a reason, an excuse or a rebuttal
he just shuttled
hustled to the next station
without hesitation
took a permanent vacation
replaced his current relations with a new conversation
traded spaces and rendered us nameless
and had the gaul to feel blameless
he's a renegade you see
the type from the olden days
when men walked softly and carried a big free pass
so let the outlaw flee
let him miss his grandchildren
let him be
let him die slowly from an unknown illness
let him be free and miss his families Christmas
let him plant his seeds in his garden of failed existence

it's alright with me if he never makes contact
the family tree has been pruned and reorganized
I cant see a scenario in which I benefit from that
I can live with out denial, betrayal and lies
he missed his opportunity for an honest life
with his blueprint by his side, and his pride

I cant bring him back
and even if I wanted to I wouldn’t
His life is a fraud with a candy coated cover
I lack the need for his presence
even though his essence is my essence I cease to wonder


I remember one July right around my birthday James showed up with a bright red bike
It was the single greatest delight of my entire life
It looked just like the one Pee Wee had in his big adventure
This fuckin thing became my center
I was a contender for the bike of the century
the neighborhood crew all envied me
the girls wanted to befriend me
I had mad propsa plenty...
three weeks later he was gone
never to be seen
with his little spawn floating in the breeze
not knowing what to believe...was it something I said? was it something I did
I must be an inadequate kid
I must have been to insistent on things
I must have requested too much
I must have stepped on his dreams
I must have harshed his buzz
I must have been a mistake
I must have stolen his love
I must have ruined his life
I must have been his stick in the mud
It had to be me
I just can't fathom leaving your seed
Its not hard to see why he fleed
It's me motherfucker it's me...it's me mothurfucker its me


I cant bring him back
and even if I wanted to I wouldn’t
His life is a fraud with a candy coated cover
I lack the need for his presence
even though his essence is my essence I cease to wonder


Mom did her best with limited resources
She latched on to the first phony that courted
The first day we met we picked cherries like best friends
that was our lone enjoyable weekend
the transformation was the stuff of legend
the day they were married the real Alan was known
The hatred had been hidden and secretly grown
and then was shown in the worst possible way
no physical violence no visible scars
"YOUR A FUCKING PEICE OF GARBAGE", was the average day
"HE'S BETTER THEN YOU IN EVERYWAY AND YOU'LL BE SHIT AS HE SAVES THE WORLD SOME DAY"
"YOUR MOTHER DOESN'T THINK I SHOULD HIT YOU ANYMORE BUT IF YOU PEE THE BED YOUR GONNA HIT THE FLOOR"
My little sister called this piece of shit dad because she was required to
I admired no women or man and excepted being lied to
besides my real pops was on his way back
So while I was being tortured and attacked mom sat back with a 10 sack
I'll never forget being chased through the kitchen for bitchin that the real son got a bigger piece of chicken
I'll never get over being unallowed to blossom while mom sits back and watches
I'll never understand playing a man in public and a maniac at home
I'll never regret the forgiveness I posses for this man that should be gone.

I can't bring him back
He's a fading memory
I often wonder if he even remembers me
It hurts in the morning and stings at night
but despite all the pain Ima sleep tonight
I said despite all the pain Ima be alright


You think you got away
you think you got away
but we're gonna make you regret it someday
we're gonna succeed in every single way
and your not gonna see your baby grandchild’s face
you think you escaped
you think you made it
but you lost it
you tossed it away
you wasted it
now lay on your pillow and pay for it
imagine me makin it
Imagine me creating it