hiphop-elements.com

It is currently 10/22/14 10:54:40 PM

All times are UTC - 8 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 5 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: *Pursuit of Happiness*
PostPosted: 12/22/08 09:00:48 AM 
Offline

Joined: 12/22/08 08:03:29 AM
Posts: 2
(Inspired By "Gimmie Yours By AZ" illustrated By me,myself, and I)

im takin this, gimmie this and gimmie that
im taking what you cant get back
on the real/ if something to my sense of sight is appealing
i will steal/ for that item i will kill to conceal it/ and thats the deal
i want a valuable/ that isnt tangible/ by the phalanges
an object brothers cant even hand me
its invisible to the eye unclothed
for that matter there is no eye that can behold
such a thing/ that brings /joy to your mind, body, and soul
gives you warmth when your cold
makes you feel young when your old
but the whereabouts of such a prize is untold
so, i just gotta keep panning for the gold
but dont wanna be swindled
by the other shit that twinkles
finding fools gold everytime
it appears to be the same but isnt genuine
sometimes/ this external ecstasy for others is too hard to find
so they conjure up their own in their mind
and thats perfectly fine/ as long as its positive
and listen to they conscience/using common sense/ and providence
this is 1 of the main essentials to grow like phosphorus
the key to the locked treasure chest of being prosperous
i reach my mental transport lyrically
theyre more than just words and shit, it nourishes me spiritually

i would like some input on what you think about
pros and cons
(written september 08 at age 16)


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: *Pursuit of Happiness*
PostPosted: 12/22/08 09:16:36 PM 
Offline

Joined: 08/28/06 07:04:23 AM
Posts: 33
Location: California
This was a cool piece. I really enjoyed the flowand the theme was effortlessly conveyed in the lyrics. Thus, the only con... It should be in that "competitive" forum. Look forward to more...

_________________
aka wonderwoman and nuttinhoney


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: *Pursuit of Happiness*
PostPosted: 12/26/08 04:31:45 AM 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: 08/15/01 05:00:00 PM
Posts: 1085
Location: baltimore
To me, the underlying theme uttered over and over again is the authors passionate desire for "Truth."

Quote:
im takin this, gimmie this and gimmie that
im taking what you cant get back
on the real/ if something to my sense of sight is appealing
i will steal/ for that item i will kill to conceal it/ and thats the deal
i want a valuable/ that isnt tangible/ by the phalanges


seeking something, possibly finding, or having found, something that is not able to be touched, but something that is of the ultimate reality, or of more importance than something material.

The passion of its importance. Desire of this "thing" of passion. The value it holds to the speaker/writer... you.


Quote:
an object brothers cant even hand me
its invisible to the eye unclothed
for that matter there is no eye that can behold
such a thing/ that brings /joy to your mind, body, and soul
gives you warmth when your cold
makes you feel young when your old
but the whereabouts of such a prize is untold
so, i just gotta keep panning for the gold


This further concludes the point of its lack of materiality. "Its invisible to the eye, unclothed." Its hidden, but exists, but cant be "seen," metaphor for "unknown."

Quote:
"such a thing/ that brings/ joy to your mind, body and soul,"
not only is it precious and valuable, but it provides an enlightening satisfaction with an aura of happiness,

Quote:
but dont wanna be swindled
by the other shit that twinkles
finding fools gold everytime
it appears to be the same but isnt genuine
sometimes/ this external ecstasy for others is too hard to find
so they conjure up their own in their mind


being skeptical of all the information that is also ridded with misinformation, finding false hope, things that appear to be truth and give a sense of joy/hope however, turn into the opposite, or turn into absolutely nothing. The value of what is sacred, being associated with the profane, or some entanglement, such as a proven philosophy that holds an occultic lie.... so that the proof in itself, is not truth, and the philosophies enlightenments, only open doors to ones imagination, rather than the reality of the arcane. Scams. Being believed/practiced/taught by other individuals whom have been misled by these false truths.

Quote:
this external ecstasy for others is too hard to find
so they conjure up their own in their mind


Finding reason to contemplate, but lacking authority to know, they accept what is easily handed to them, rather than utilize any strength for their search. When something is given to them that makes sense, for themselves, they accept it, however, rely on their comfortablility on what is being recieved, as opposed to "boot camp," or the pain and struggle for realization of these truths so it may be made their own by blood.... (maybe on this one I am going a bit more in depth, however, the first sentence "This external ecstasy for others is too hard to find...etc, seems like it can involve alot...)

Quote:
and thats perfectly fine/ as long as its positive
and listen to they conscience/using common sense/ and providence


However, just because something depended on "self-realization," does not mean it is wrong. If it is something good in its nature, and it was spoken directly from their spirit, with no rationalizations, understood to be uttered by the divine.


Quote:
this is 1 of the main essentials to grow like phosphorus
the key to the locked treasure chest of being prosperous
i reach my mental transport lyrically
theyre more than just words and shit, it nourishes me spiritually



That self realization is actually fundemental in finding truth, and hidden meanings and insights....to seek what shines and illuminates in the darkness. Self realization hinted by the divine is what actually gets me in (drawing on the previous paragraph..."and listen to they conscience/using common sense/ and providence")


Quote:
i reach my mental transport lyrically
theyre more than just words and shit, it nourishes me spiritually
So the writer actually finds self-ralization, and truth, when he speaks, and writes, and uses verbal forms of communication. "Its more than just words and shit," Verbal communication is not Verbal communication,
Quote:
it nourishes me spiritually
Verbal communication, is Self-realization. Verbal communication is the authors method of searching for what is true, and what is false... and finding solace.


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I for one really liked this poem, I know that if I went back to the beginning of it, I would draw a completely different understanding what what is being said, and maybe go back on my original thoughts and conclusions on it. At first, I skimmed through it, than paid further attention to the detail, making me wonder if their was a plot. Than I found a plot, to myself anyway, "truth, search for truth, recieving truths, and false truth," seemed to be the loudest current in the poem.



A couple of parts were questionable for me though:

Quote:
it appears to be the same but isnt genuine
sometimes/ this external ecstasy for others is too hard to find
so they conjure up their own in their mind
and thats perfectly fine/ as long as its positive
and listen to they conscience/using common sense/ and providence


The way that you go from talking about fools gold, and describing it as not being "genuine," it seems like, by its flow and phraseology, that these others are finding fools gold, because "the external ecstacy" is too hard to find. You than mention that they conjure these things in their minds, or call for fools gold. They seek simulation. However, you than state that its "perfectly fine, as long as its positive.." and that they "listen to they conscience/ using common sense/ and providence." It seems to me, that you are stating it is ok for them to confuse fools gold for real gold, as long as their concience says so, or a "divine" voice tells them...

This last part is a bit confusing to me... maybe you can smooth out the edges in some way so that it flows more smoothly in the sense of its direction... than again, im assuming it might all be within the eye of the beholder..

_________________
The price of freedom is eternal vigilance. -Thomas Jefferson


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: *Pursuit of Happiness*
PostPosted: 12/27/08 06:37:34 AM 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: 02/18/02 05:00:00 PM
Posts: 2608
Location: Portland , OR
enjoyed it....nice read...no need to try and be too wordy to get the point across and evoke feeling in the reader...nice work.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: *Pursuit of Happiness*
PostPosted: 01/07/09 01:26:02 AM 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: 11/04/08 11:56:46 PM
Posts: 19
Pros- I think I can relate .... you make it easy enough for one to project whatever they want on to it....
Cons- not enough descriptive language ... use more adjective and adverbs to describe exactly what you want other people's minds to see.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 5 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 8 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group