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hiphop-elements.com • View topic - Lust And Pain

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 Post subject: Lust And Pain
PostPosted: 08/20/10 02:42:39 PM 
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Joined: 01/01/07 07:57:14 AM
Posts: 1045
Location: ''GUN'RU'' MI
The Time Wasted I can't replaced It soul Racing...Miss Placed...Like I Belong In 60's getting Sicky...War Vet ...Maybe the Old West..Black cowboys...i play Wit the Tools Of The Trade...how about couple grenades to Brighting Up ur day...fakers fire Away Like Lust Is the Only Way...Pain Is The Days Counting..all u see Is Bricks...No chics....The Yard Is like Paradise...Water No Ice...Jailhouse Lawyers Wit Bullshit advise...the Devil Made U think Once...God make U think twice...that's why I continue To fuck Up My Life...In This Hell there No peace..Make U love War...Bars For Doors pressed Between Glass talking To Fam they can't hear U Only On the fucking Phone...Im gone ...don't Know How To reach My girl I Say fuck the World...This Is a Nice release...Cold Nights For me Hot Days...Lets pop K's Ok...Live For today...but The Pain is 2marrow...No Sorrow...Just Greed..It's All bout the cheese...I Wish It Was A breeze...Is Famous In me...Those Lucky Muthafuckas...Bluff and make a dolla ...while I living the tale...Picking Up Lyrics from Niggas In jail...True Story...Just gotta breath...It's hard To Stay focus...the emotions Of Life Gotta have it...Its What I Like...So I Make It Right...Keep Fat and on Tyme..

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 Post subject: Re: Lust And Pain
PostPosted: 08/23/10 06:59:05 AM 
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Joined: 06/09/05 02:55:41 PM
Posts: 2973
Location: Maryland
Honestly, I didn't like this. The flow was all over the place, it seems like you tried too hard to rhyme. The structure of the verse also threw me off a bit, try re-writing this with a didn't structure and try to make it a bit more complex.


~DT~

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 Post subject: Re: Lust And Pain
PostPosted: 10/02/10 07:34:17 PM 
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Joined: 01/21/10 01:01:28 AM
Posts: 210
bullshit!^

lemme guess, completely off the top non-stop drop?
if you can read a book you can read this fine.. i know dras just your opinion but heel that shit, he aint out to market this.

good mental release D-sire

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 Post subject: Re: Lust And Pain
PostPosted: 10/15/10 07:57:36 PM 
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Joined: 06/09/05 02:55:41 PM
Posts: 2973
Location: Maryland
Mourningstarr wrote:
bullshit!^

lemme guess, completely off the top non-stop drop?
if you can read a book you can read this fine.. i know dras just your opinion but heel that shit, he aint out to market this.

good mental release D-sire


I am only trying to help the kid elevate, he can take my advice or not. I'm not going to hype him up like that verse was good. He was lacking in a lot of places. I thought it would be a good thing to point them out for him so he could improve.

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